Impossible is nothing. Success comes with a lot of crap. Hear my name kids and I am that.
The first month of living on my own was really hard.I would think about the void of not having my mom almost every moment of the day.I missed our conversations about life,dancing with her in the living room,her cooking,her hugs,her laugh…I was barely even eating.I dropped to about 155 pounds.I was taking the bus at 5 am to get to school,busting my ass in classes,looking around crazy for a job and I was literally depressed.I cried myself to sleep every night that first month.All the support of family or her friends for that whole year she had Cancer was gone.I became alone and on my own having to fend for myself in a lot of ways at 19. I was inspired by the way my mom could go to work and complete her daily tasks with the amount of pain she endured everyday. And she still had the strength to smile.
Thinking of that still motivates me. But I made it! I got into USC just like mama wanted me to.I probably have the best job in the world getting to play games with kids all day long. I’ve also got some really amazing friends that I’m blessed to have.Including a friend named Verenice who I’m truely grateful for.Her family took me in like a brother of their own. It would be funny if she read this!Haha.I love you Vere.I wouldn’t have known your family without you and honestlly I wouldn’t know who I would be or where I would be without having you as my friend.Throughout the days of confusion or loneliness I went through you were always there to bring some clarity and show me that I was loved.
Within the next few months there will be a lot of changes. I might be interning,working and going to school. Basically my schedules may get a lot more hectic. I actually like to work hard now.Mama always said “Lazy people do things twice.” I used to be that way…
The little things I have accomplished have given me the confidence to take on bigger challenges. I know that my mom is proud.I’ll be in Belize next week for two weeks and its no doubt I’ll have a great time with my family.On the 12th I’ll go to my mom’s grave alone. I’m not sad anymore about her being gone, it is what it is,but I miss her calling me at random times of the day just to check up on me or getting on my case about something or the other. Its the little things I miss the most.
I love the way my life is right now. I’m rollin steady and I’m not content. I’m blessed to have good company around me. My grind has kept me focused on what lies ahead. I think God has a plan for everyone. I don’t know why my mom had to leave my life so early. But I think I’m turning into the man she wanted me to be without her by my side. When I think of the memories with my mother I just smile and I think thats how it should be.Sometimes I feel like she’s in a room with me and I’m sure she is.On my case about the stupid shit I do.lol…but everything I do is in dedication to her.Love you mama!
